Life Things

09:06 Natasmack 0 Comments

I know its been months since I’ve posted on Natasmack. Its actually been months since I've written anything at all. Truthfully, I lost the desire to write. This has been the nature of this blog. I’ve changed the name once, the layout several times, and been a stop and go blogger since its birth. 

While traveling, I always had something to say and to share with my readers. From photos, funny stories, to recommendations. What about now? 

Since my absence, I’ve had many temptations to write about new experiences. I’d get half way through my post and think “Who the fuck actually cares?”. The post would be immediately abandoned deep into the files of my computer, forever to be forgotten.

 Amongst all the half attempts at writing. I was struggling with my new life. When I decided to move here, I was on a high. Not to be mistaken for “I was high”. Although, I could compare the feeling to being on drugs. It was like eating a few mushrooms on a nude beach with your friend. Nothing was bringing me down, colours were the brightest I've ever seen and my face hurt from smiling from ear to ear. Not even a leathery, tanned old mans’ ass was going to break my mood. 

But as you know, what goes up must come down. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I was missing. I obviously missed my friends, and my family. I missed my clothes 
(sounds vain AF, but the longing is real), burritos, going to my favourite Vancouver spots, Moksha yoga classes and my bike. I’d spend days thinking about how to make my life feel more full. I learned that having nothing to do wasn't as great as it sounded. I felt useless, unimportant and boring. By funnelling my energy to my pain, I was ignoring all the amazing things I had around me. Focusing on what I had less of was starting to turn my trippy tie dyed eyes into sobering vision. Seeing the leathery old men for all they have.

Each day I'd go through a range of emotions from “This is effing fun!!!!”  to “WTF how did I get here?!” to “I shall never leave my house again.” It was totally exhausting for me, and for the people around me. I didn’t know what to do. Anxiety running high, depression creeping in, I needed to fix this. There wasn't going to be one thing to heal all ailments. 

What I ultimately decided was that I am going to stop thinking about what I am without. I will rein back talking about Canada and seriously think about what happiness means to  me. I’m going give myself to the end of the year to narrow down what I need from my life. Notice I said narrow down? I know 50 year olds who are less narrow then I am. I cant expect to have my shit sorted in less then a year. 

With these new decisions, Ive learned a lot about myself so far. I want to write them down, with elaborate and insightful meanings for you. Remember how I said I haven't written in a while? Well, I am rusty so I have compiled a list of “Life things I’ve Learned from Feeling Like I Have No Life.”

I don’t actually know myself as well as I thought.
So much can be done in one hour.
- Traffic is hell in life form.
- Use your brain. Maybe learn a new language? “SAWATDEE KA PUUAN!!! KUN SUAAI MAK MAK!!”
- Stay up to see the sun rise. Dance when you do.
- Read. Read. Read.
- Smile at everyone. People are full of surprises.
- Strive for progress not perfection.
- Don’t cut your hair. Seriously. Just don’t.
- Plan trips, even if you don’t take them.
-  Drink a bottle of wine by yourself.
-  Get outside.  (I miss nature.)
- Learn to be authentic.
- Apologize.
- BUILD your own life. Exactly how you want it to be.
- Learn to feel good in your skin.
- My laugh is outrageous and I love it. 
- I CAN wear pants in bazillion degree weather.
Feed your soul with what you need daily. 

This list will be forever modified, and maybe in a few months time I will update it. I’m interested to see what comes from these life changes. Maybe I’ll be completely different or perhaps I’ll be right in the same spot as I am now. Either way, its growth. Thats what its all about, right?